It’s been a quiet week in Woe-Is-Me, my hometown. The end of the road racing season and me still on the sidelines of real life means there is not much to discuss. We could talk about the bunch of yahoos arguing over whether or not to dole out $700,000,000,000 of our money to overpaid fat-cats, but that is too depressing. Or maybe mock the Guv of the 2nd least populous state whose handlers are keeping her from talking to anyone who might actually figure out how little is going on bethind that smile; but the thought of her being one heart attack away from having the keys to the nuke-lar weapons is even more depressing.
On the lighter side, we can think about whether flatulence is battery against a person:
DUI suspect who farted at police officer charged with battery
Associated Press
Article Launched: 09/25/2008 11:27:55 AM PDT
SOUTH CHARLESTON, W.Va. — A West Virginia man who police said passed gas and fanned it toward a patrolman has been charged with battery on a police officer.
Jose A. Cruz, 34, of Clarksburg, was pulled over early Tuesday for driving without headlights, police said. According to the criminal complaint, Cruz smelled of alcohol, had slurred speech and failed three field sobriety tests before he was handcuffed and taken to a police station for a breathalyzer test.
As Patrolman T.E. Parsons prepared the machine, Cruz scooted his chair toward Parsons, lifted his leg and “passed gas loudly,” the complaint said.
Cruz, according to complaint, then fanned the gas toward the officer.
“The gas was very odorous and created contact of an insulting or provoking nature with Patrolman Parsons,” the complaint alleged.
He was also charged with driving under the influence, driving without headlights and two counts of obstruction.
Cruz acknowledged passing gas, but said he didn’t move his chair toward the officer nor aim gas at the patrolman. He said he had an upset stomach at the time, but police denied his request to go to the bathroom when he first arrived at the station.
“I couldn’t hold it no more,” he said.
He also denied being drunk and uncooperative as the police complaint alleged. He added he was upset at being prepared for a breathalyzer test while having an asthma attack. The police statement said he later resisted being secured for a trip to a hospital that he requested for asthma treatment. Cruz said the officers thought the gas incident was funny when it happened and laughed about it with him.
“This is ridiculous,” he said. “I could be facing time.”